


long live

by tainted_quill



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Established Relationship, Friendship, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-06 12:44:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13411527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tainted_quill/pseuds/tainted_quill
Summary: People always said love was complicated, but falling for Felix was the easiest thing he'd ever done.





	long live

**Author's Note:**

> this is a recycled fic from one of my jaeno/nomin chaptered fics. specifically imprints (this was the original epilogue). i decided to remove this from imprints since i thought it didn't really fit well with the rest of the fic (i'll be replacing the epilogue with a new one, though. probably a lighter-themed one).
> 
> and because my friends said it was a waste to just delete it, this happened. tweaked the fic a bit to fit Stray Kids but the characters may still be a bit OOC since i just got into them. anyway, enjoy i guess.

 

“Pick up the pace, Binnie!”  
  
Changbin watched as Felix grinned, stopping in the middle of the park to bend and observe the beginning bud of a pink flower. It was summer and the younger was wearing white shorts, a blue tank top and a black cardigan over top. There was a radiant smile on his lips as his soft brown hair flowed with the wind. Changbin thought he looked beautiful amidst the fresh colors of the park.  
  
Felix stood up once more, smiling and urging the raven to hurry up before he skipped on ahead – always ahead – and left him behind.  
  
Changbin had known the other since high school.  
  
The brunet was one of those people who you just couldn’t hate. Other than the half-hearted bullying he experienced at the beginning of his transfer to Seoul Academy, Felix had charmed everybody he met and those who heard about him wanted to become his friend. He was that big-hearted, loud-mouthed, nosy boy that people couldn’t help wanting to be around.  
  
It was no wonder he fell for Felix fast and hard.  
  
People always said love was complicated, difficult, and troublesome. It required time and patience, hurt and heartache, and more effort than anything else–  
  
He watched as the younger turned around and half-jogged towards him and when he was a meter away, Felix teased, “Hyung! Why are you so slow?”  
  
Changbin frowned but the other threw his arms around his neck and gave him a sweet, chaste peck on the corner of his lips. It was natural and sweet, as innocent as a flower, and the affectionate gesture took the older by surprise. “Pick it up, Binnie! Geez!”  
  
He scoffed.  
  
Felix smacked him on the arm, before he puffed his cheeks out in a cute matter. “Anyway, can we go get cookies now?”  
  
The raven rolled his eyes, grabbing the proffered hand. When Felix grinned, he turned his eyes away from his face. “Idiot,” He muttered lowly.  
  
–People always said love was complicated, but falling for Felix was the easiest thing he’d ever done.

 

 

* * *

 

 

  
The ball room was large, but it seemed small due to the number of bodies taking up the floor. The annual medical student graduate dinner was tonight, and Changbin wished he didn’t have to attend. Three years of medical school deserved some celebration, Felix told him patiently, but he didn’t understand why he had to celebrate with eighty other people he didn’t know when all he wanted to do was to celebrate with the younger.  
  
Where was he anyway?  
  
“Congratulations, Mr. Seo. Dr. Park has many good things to say about your future,” The well-dressed, aristocratic figure before him was still speaking. “As the top student in your graduating class, we expect great success, but I have no doubts you’ll make a great asset to whichever hospital you choose.”  
  
“Thank you, sir.”  
  
His eyes scanned the room inconspicuously as he took a sip of the champagne glass he was given the second he entered the room. He couldn’t see the other anywhere. The clothes he was wearing was all white, but it seemed many others had the same idea. It didn’t help that Felix had a tendency to go all over the place. He practically disappeared in the crowd.  
  
“Are you looking for someone?” A familiar voice broke through his search and he turned to see dark eyes and bright golden hair. “Congratulations, fellow graduate,” Park Minjae raised his glass with a flirty grin. He gave Changbin a once-over before he nodded, “You clean up well. Not that you don’t always look good.”  
  
Changbin exhaled sharply. “Minjae, stop.”  
  
“I’m just stating a fact,” The blond put up his free hand in surrender. “I know you’re not interested, but you know me. I’m painfully honest. I’ve been told it borders on annoying.” Minjae smiled at him in a friendly way before he, too, eyed the crowd. “Your sex appeal just upped another ten notches because you’re smart as hell and you’re going to be a doctor.”  
  
“Park– ”  
  
Minjae laughed good naturedly. “Okay, okay! That was the last time.” He paused for a bit. “For today.” The raven scowled at him and continued to look for Felix, but Minjae put his hand on his arm. “Your boy is wearing all white tonight, right?” At Changbin’s nod, he pointed to the corner where he could just make out the familiar brunet. “I think he might need you. You know how infuriating Yoona is. And it doesn’t help that she’s totally in love with you.”  
  
He didn’t need to hear anymore.  
  
He was already halfway across the room.  
  
It didn’t take long to hear the conversation. It was two against one and Changbin hardly thought that was fair. Song Yoona was a fellow graduate and though she was hard-working and smart, she was completely pushy and selfish. They weren’t the most admirable traits in a future doctor. She thought she was the cream of the crop and when she was going after Felix like this, Changbin thought it was about time he made it clear where she stood.  
  
“You don’t deserve him,” Yoona hissed coldly.  
  
Changbin paused in his steps, knowing Felix was fully capable of defending himself, anxious to hear the younger’s response.  
  
He didn’t disappoint.  
  
Never would.  
  
“I may not deserve him,” Felix replied simply, his voice firm, “–but until he doesn’t want me anymore, I’m going to hold onto him as tight as I can. Until he doesn’t want me anymore, I’ll be there. For now, please don’t approach me like this again. I won’t leave him.”  
  
“You’re being selfish!”  
  
Changbin felt a ball of fire ignite in his veins at the clear hatred in her voice.  
  
_Felix doesn’t deserve that_.  
  
There was an incredulous pause before Felix laughed with disbelief. “Yes,” He said softly, “–I am. I think love makes a lot of people selfish, but I won’t apologize for wanting to spend as long as I can with my most important person. You’ve made it quite clear that you’re smarter than me, so I hope you can understand that.”  
  
“You’re so… you can’t just–”  
  
Changbin stepped out from behind the wall and watched as the color drained from Yoona and some girl he didn’t recognize. She quickly let go of Felix’s wrist and stepped back. Felix gave a start but his angry eyes softened and warmed when the older stepped towards him. He felt the younger’s fingers brush against his pinky. “Ladies,” Changbin said coolly, watching as they shuffled in their evening dresses. “I see you’ve met my boyfriend.”  
  
Yoona raised her chin in defiance. “He doesn’t deserve you,” She said, unabashedly. “–He’s not as good looking as Minjae, he’s not as nice as Sora, and he’s not as smart as me. Open your eyes, Changbin. Can’t you see he’s just not worth your tim–”  
  
The fire in his veins burst from within him.  
  
“You don’t know a damn thing about him,” His voice was icy with barely concealed ire. “Before you let your irrational jealousy overcome you, know your facts before you jump into a fight. You’ve met him for – what? Five seconds? And you’ve already condemned him for being something he isn’t, but I’ve known _you_ for three years. You can bet this isn’t some badly constructed first impression. You’re shallow enough to think everybody will like you for your looks. You’re pushy enough to think you can force your feelings on somebody else. You’re stupid because you think I’d want _you_ over _him_ – and selfish? You’re calling _him_ selfish? Look in a mirror, Yoona. You’re the one forcing yourself between Felix and me; you’re the one putting _your_ interests in me above our interests and you’re the one throwing a tantrum because you’re not used to being denied what you want.”  
  
Felix was holding his hand extra tight and Yoona looked like the blood was being drained out of her body.  
  
Changbin tried to reign in the excess anger he felt and waited two beats for some much needed calm. “You’ll be a good doctor,” He said evenly, watching as black eyes met his. “But if you put aside your selfish tendencies, you could become a brilliant one.”  
  
She bowed her head before her friend led her away.  
  
He could feel rather than hear Felix exhale shakily. “Well that was interesting,” He said lightly. The raven turned to look at him only to see his shoulders were practically up to his ears with tension. Despite that, Felix looked beautiful in a simple white suit and his mop of chestnut brown hair in its usually messy style. Now if he didn’t look so worried…  
  
The older squeezed the hand still in his. “You’re far too nice to them. I’m surprised you didn’t tear her ears out with your loud voice.”  
  
Felix sent him a dry look before leading him out to the open balcony. “Normally I would,” He started honestly, letting go of Changbin’s hand, “But this is your big night and I really didn’t want to embarrass you in front of your professors, friends and doctors. Holy crap, they’re all so intimidating! I know I’m not as smart as you, but hanging out here makes me feel so small. You’re–” He breathed out slowly and leaned his elbows against the balcony railing, looking at the dark night sky, “–you’re definitely not from my world.”  
  
“I may not be from your world, but I like being in it.”  
  
The younger looked down at his hands, trying and failing to hide the small smile from his face. Changbin turned away, feeling his neck warm with the confession. It was words like that that made Felix so happy, but they barely expressed how he felt about him. Even those three words that everybody liked tossing around couldn’t measure up to the way Felix made him feel. There were no words.  
  
“You’re far too cute, you know that?” Felix said wryly, the grin apparent in his voice.  
  
He turned to protest but the brunet’s warm lips pressed against his to stem the words and he couldn’t complain. It was sweet, slow and too short. A throat cleared in amusement and he heard Felix’s squeak before he turned and saw Minjae standing by the balcony doors.  
  
“It’s one night,” Minjae admonished laughingly, “Keep your hands off him long enough to let us catch up, will you, Changbin?” He approached Felix hesitantly, as if the latter was an untamed lion. “Hey, Felix.” He moved in to put his arms around Felix’s shoulders in a hug. “It’s been a long time.”  
  
“Yeah! I’ve probably seen you a handful of times since we graduated from the academy!” Felix exclaimed, hugging the blond warmly. “How are you?”  
  
They made small talk. Changbin wasn’t very interested. He spent enough time with Minjae to know him well and obviously Felix…  
  
He could barely believe it. They were turning twenty-five and twenty-six respectively this year; they met eight years ago and yet it felt like his feelings never dimmed and like he knew the younger all his life. They started off as friends, became the best of friends and he couldn’t ask for a better lover, partner, whatever people called it. He could spend the rest of his life with him.  
  
Too bad Felix was afraid of marriage.  
  
He watched as Minjae left with a wave before Felix stepped towards him. He straightened up from the railing and watched the brunet lift his arms languidly and hook said arms around Changbin’s neck. “What are you thinking about, Mr. I love dark?”  
  
He scowled at him, but it was half-hearted, especially when the younger smiled like that. “Putting a ring on your finger,” He said softly, his heart beating in his throat when the smile slipped from Felix’s face.  
  
“You want to marry me?” Felix teased, wide brown eyes sparkling with something more than amusement.  
  
Changbin grunted.  
  
Felix kissed him swiftly on the lips before he leaned back to look at him. “I don’t understand why we need that. Marriage is just a way to prove that I’m yours, Binnie, and you know I’ve been yours since the beginning. We don’t need a certificate to make it official.”  
  
He looked at Felix closely and knew he meant every word.  
  
The brunet dropped his hands to hold both of Changbin’s before he raised his eyes once more. “It’s always been you and me. It’ll always be you and me. Remember? We’ll take over the world together. It’ll only be you and me, us against the world. Nobody will be able to stop us.”  
  
Changbin snorted at the teenage mantra the other started when they were still in high school.  
  
Felix smiled.  
  
The dinner bell rang out, shrill and clear, to call everybody to the dining room. He sighed and ran a hand through his raven locks at the thought of having to sit through an hour long dinner. No doubt many would have questions for the top medical student and he wasn’t one to make conversation. The thought made his appetite die and his mood plummet to his feet.  
  
The younger dropped his left hand and squeezed his right.  
  
“Let’s go!” Felix chirped easily, pulling on his right hand. He stopped at the entrance to the balcony and inhaled deeply. “Us against the world,” He said softly, no doubt remembering the _warm_ welcome he received from Yoona. “Us against the world.” He darted a quick glance at Changbin’s face. “All right.”  
  
It was two days later when Changbin saw the bruise in the shape of a hand on Felix’s wrist.

 

 

* * *

 

 

As a top graduate med student, Changbin was in high demand and it wasn’t long until he realized he didn’t have a lot of time for the other things he loved. When he wasn’t working, he was looking into different techniques for an upcoming surgery or reading up some more about the heart. If he wasn’t working or doing research, he was catching up on much needed sleep. If he wasn’t catching up on much needed sleep, he was eating or showering. When he wasn’t doing either of those things, he was hanging out with Felix or their friends.  
  
The latter didn’t happen nearly as much as he would like.  
  
After four months of hospital work without seeing so much as a hair of Chan and Jisung, Changbin heard that Hyunjin decided to hold a barbecue at his place and invited the whole gang plus his other friends. Changbin wouldn’t have been interested if Felix wasn’t going, but the younger was just about to jump out of his skin in excitement and whatever made him happy, made Changbin happy.  
  
It was as simple as that.  
  
When they arrived at Hyunjin’s place, it was already packed with people.  
  
Chan was a permanent addition to the kitchen.  
  
Hyunjin was flipping burgers on the outdoor grill.  
  
Woojin was starting a big fire and Minho was setting up chairs around it.  
  
Felix squeezed his hand when he saw Jisung eating beside Jeongin and Seungmin. Having moved into Changbin’s apartment, he supposed Felix didn’t see the other brunet as much as he would like. Felix gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before he bounded over towards his best friend and Changbin made his way over to Chan.  
  
It wasn’t long until he strolled back to the younger.  
  
“Seo Changbin,” Jisung said darkly, ignoring Felix’s wails of _don’t tell him Sungie!_  Changbin merely sent the latter a questioning glance before Jisung grabbed Felix’s arm and pushed his cardigan sleeve up. His arm was pale, as it usually was, but it was decorated in new and old bruises. Changbin’s eyes widened with incredulity.  
  
“Where the hell did you get those?” Changbin hissed firmly, grabbing Felix’s wrist gently to survey the expanse of porcelain skin. Some were turning green with age and others were still purple with life. His eyes flashed up to meet the other’s wide ones and his tone left no room for evasion. “Who _touched_ you? Who gave you these?”  
  
Felix tugged his arm away and smothered the cardigan down his arm before he bit his lip. “I don’t think anybody did this to me!” He said quickly, looking around and lowering his voice so that he didn’t attract attention from the others. He looked at the raven earnestly, “I don’t remember. I think it might have been me. You know how clumsy I am! I just bruise easily!”  
  
How could he have missed _this_?  
  
He saw his counterpart every day when he came home and yet this was the first time he was seeing it?  
  
The raw guilt in his blood made his voice scathing, “How long have you had these?” He snapped furiously, tugging Felix’s arm back over and running his fingers over the marred flesh. “When were you planning on telling me? Why am I only learning about this _now_?”  
  
“I didn’t want you to worry.” Felix’s eyes were wide and soft. “You’re always coming home so exhausted. You don’t need an extra thing to worry about.”  
  
The guilt made him feel raw. “How _long_?”  
  
Felix gulped audibly. “I don’t know. A while.”  
  
Changbin ran his free hand through his hair before he looked at the younger carefully. His heart was squeezing against his chest at this stupid, idiotic brunet. Why wasn’t he there to make sure the other didn’t hurt himself? Felix was such a hazard, still so used to taking care of himself. Why couldn’t he just let Changbin take care of him? Sighing, he pressed a soft kiss to one of the brunet’s bruises. “Don’t hide this from me,” He said softly, looking at Felix firmly. “Not from me, okay?”  
  
Felix merely smiled indulgently. “They’re just bruises,” He said lightly, tugging his sleeve down. “They’ll go away in a few days!”  
  
A thought hit Changbin suddenly that made his blood go cold.  
  
His eyes flashed to Jisungs’s and the brunet rolled his eyes as if to say, _about time_!  
  
He swallowed thickly. “Tomorrow, you’re coming with me to the hospital.”  
  
Felix’s brown eyes visibly brightened and the excitement radiating from him was palpable. “Cool! So I’ll finally get to see you work your magic, huh?” He grinned broadly. “I’m so excited! To think I was one of your first treated patients!”  
  
Changbin shook his head, letting a wry grin grace his lips. “Not exactly, Jikseu.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Changbin was a cardiologist and dealt with matters of the heart so he let one of his colleagues oversee Felix’s check up.  
  
When he realized what was going on, Felix gaped at him with a telling look of betrayal and fury in his eyes. “Changbin!” He shouted shrilly when the raven turned to leave the room. Felix whimpered and pointed at him furiously. “Needles, Binnie! Needles! How could you do this to me? I–” He made a sound of protest before he wailed, “I hate needles! When we get home, I’m going to… I’m going to–”  
  
Changbin raised an eyebrow at him and the attending medical technician tried and failed to hide a smile.  
  
Felix threw his hands up. “I don’t know what I’m going to do but whatever it is, you’re not going to like it!”  
  
He merely waved a hand in the air and snorted. “ _Try_ it,” His voice was daring. “Have fun, Felix.”  
  
The aforementioned harrumphed when Changbin closed the door and when the lock gave its final click, the smirk fell from his lips and he closed his eyes. He had such a bad feeling, it was making him nauseous. He would take anything from Felix: his wrath, his ire – just as long as he was okay.

 

 

* * *

 

 

He was working the day Felix’s results came in.  
  
Felix called him earlier to say he was coming in to talk to the doctor and Changbin promised to drop by as soon as he was done with his shift. He had the worst feeling and terrible thoughts plagued him for the majority of his shift. When he finally managed to track down the brunet’s room, he entered in time to see Felix’s eyes rimmed with red and his feet dangling from the hospital bed.  
  
“Hey,” He said softly from the doorway.  
  
Felix looked up at him from under his eyelashes and lifted his arms like a child asking for a much needed hug.  
  
He would have resisted it if he didn’t catch the slight tremor in the younger’s lips. He knelt down in front of Felix, lifted him in his arms, and sat down with the other cuddled against his chest. There was a dark, foreboding lump in his throat and when Felix looked up at him with watery eyes, he knew.  
  
They were silent for a long time.  
  
“You like my hair, don’t you, Binnie?” His voice was quiet.  
  
Changbin couldn’t speak. _You knew his family had a history of cancer!_  
  
Felix pulled softly at the ends of his hair and the raven felt a dark heat press against the back of his eyes when two brown strands came loose. The younger's fingers trembled before he pressed his hands into a fist. "I think I'll donate my hair," He said decidedly, looking away from Changbin's eyes. "Before it all falls out, you know? I'm sure somebody will like it."  
  
The older nodded with his cheek pressed against the side of Felix's head.  
  
"You'll... you'll still like me when my hair's gone, won't you?"  
  
_Of course_ , Changbin closed his eyes. _I like you more than I like your freakin' hair, you stupid, angelic boy._  
  
But he couldn't say that. He couldn't say a word. He hummed against the chestnut brown hair and held him a little tighter and thought vaguely, _I hope he doesn't bruise._  
  
After a moment, Felix shifted and looked him in the eye, smiling a light, genuine smile. "When do you get off work?"  
  
He stared back at him carefully and felt himself warming at the smile on his love's face. "I'm already done."  
  
Felix moved to slide his legs to the ground. "Let's go home," He murmured, grabbing the older's hand and giving it a light squeeze. "I think... I think I need to visit mom and dad."  
  
His heart twisted and he nodded quietly. "We'll pick up some flowers."  
  
And some voice at the back of Changbin's mind said darkly, _soon you might be buying flowers for him too._

 

 

* * *

 

 

He had two years.  
  
Felix said it casually like he wasn't talking about the length of his life and it made Changbin want to twist somebody's arm off. Couldn't the younger drop the act for one second? Couldn't he see the older was being torn apart?  
  
What could Changbin possibly do without his beloved brunet?  
  
"I'll beat it," Felix said confidently, twisting the noodles around his chopsticks. "I'm a fighter, Binnie. You know that. I'm not going to let something as small as this get to me. You'll see." When he didn't speak, the brunet sent him a dry look. "How else are you going to rule the world if you don't have me by your side, huh? Us against the world, remember? I'll be damned if you take my world domination plans and leave me out of it."  
  
Changbin snorted softly and picked up a piece of chicken before depositing it on the younger's plate.  
  
"Hey! I can get my own food!" Felix squawked.  
  
He sent him a dark look. "Eat up, Jikseu. You're getting too skinny."  
  
The brunet scowled before setting his plate down and crossing his arms. If he was trying to look scary, he was doing a poor job of it. In actuality, he looked nothing short of sweet in a white long sleeved shirt and boxers. "You're doing it again," Felix remarked darkly. "Don't pull that innocent look on me. Don't you remember what I told you when we first met?"  
  
Changbin scoffed at him. "You said a lot of things with that loud mouth of yours."  
  
His other half tossed a rolled up napkin at him but he dodged it easily. "You don't have to treat me differently. You treated me differently when you found out my parents died. Now you're treating me differently because I have cancer." Felix narrowed his eyes at him and drummed his fingers against his knees. "Please, Changbin. Don't treat me any differently. I'm still here, aren't I?"  
  
The raven's heart softened and he gave Felix a resigned nod. "When are you going to tell Jisung and the others?"  
  
Felix winced at the thought before he pulled his plate back onto his lap. "Sometime after Seungminie's birthday party. I don't want to ruin it, but I guess the sooner they know the better, right?" He tossed a piece of celery in his mouth before he looked at Changbin once more. "I really, _really_ don't want to tell Chan hyung and Woojin hyung. They’re going to go ballistic." He shivered and paused thoughtfully. "Yeah, they’re definitely going to fall apart."  
  
Changbin looked at him carefully. "I'll come with you."  
  
The brunet’s eyes brightened considerably. "You will? Really?"  
  
The older rolled his eyes at that. "I'm not _that_ cold to leave you on your own."  
  
Felix threw his head back and laughed out loud. "Thanks, Binnie," He said with a smile. "You're a really good friend. You're the best."

 

 

* * *

 

 

"So what's the news?" Hyunjin chewed loudly, looking curiously at the two of them. "Wait, don't tell me! You're engaged!"  
  
Chan whirled around in his seat to glare at Changbin. "You asked him to marry you and you didn't even consult me? What the hell, Changbin!"  
  
"I love weddings!"  
  
"They didn't say they were getting married," Jisung said coolly, popping a grape into his mouth. His eyes narrowed to slits. "I would have been the first to know."  
  
Felix giggled quietly and tightened his hand around Changbin's.  
  
"Ten thousand won says they're getting married," Hyunjin announced with a laugh. "You wouldn't call a group meeting for no reason."  
  
Idle chatter resumed until Felix said lightly, "Actually, I have cancer."  
  
The stunned silence that followed made Changbin swallow and turn away from the shocked looks and blanched faces. Even Jisung looked at a loss for words, but he was the first one to react. He stood up from the table and stepped out of the room and with a squeak, Felix followed in a hurry.  
  
His hand immediately cooled at the loss.  
  
"How..." Minho shook his head and looked down at his hands. "Surely... surely not him?"  
  
Changbin swallowed.  
  
Jeongin looked at him imploringly. "Did the doctors say anything? Like if he can... how long..."  
  
Changbin shook his head. "It's hard to tell. It's spreading, but they think he can overcome it. If it metastasizes too fast, he'll have two years at most."  
  
"Can't you do something?" Seungmin asked breathlessly, tears thick in his voice. "I mean, you're a doctor right? You know the little secrets that can help him live longer..."  
  
Changbin shook his head silently.  
  
_He wished._

 

 

* * *

 

 

He tried to be patient with the younger.  
  
That was the only acceptable way to treat him now, but this was all too much. He watched as the younger lost his hair. He watched as his lips turned paler and his skin become mottled with bruises. He watched the other's cuts bleed profusely. He watched Felix wither away in front of his very eyes.  
  
Changbin never pretended to be selfless.  
  
He wanted Felix to stay with him. Was that really so much to ask? He knew the brunet for eight years, since high school, and he would only have two years more if Felix didn’t make a miraculous recovery and the doctors predicted correctly. A decade with Felix Lee. It was really too little. He needed more.  
  
"Is that the reason you never agreed to marry me?" His voice was a scathing hiss directed at Felix's back.  
  
The latter stepped back as if he was slapped and bit his bottom lip, briefly bringing back a little pink color to the fleshy cartilage. "Binnie, I didn't know I was going to get cancer," He said patiently, resting his arms on the kitchen counter behind him. "You know that."  
  
"You love me," Changbin said sharply. It was a statement, not a question. "You love me, so why don't you want to marry me? Every time I've mentioned it, you've never wanted to. Why not? It's... Time is running out, Felix, and you've never given me an answer."  
  
He turned back to the dishes. "Do we really have to fight, hyung? You know how I feel about us fighting."  
  
"Maybe you should think about that before you just ask for one."  
  
Felix was quiet for a long time and the raven was one second away from storming over and throwing him in a chair so they could hash this all out once and for all when the former spoke over his shoulder. "Well, it makes things easier, doesn't it? If we got married, things would be so much more complicated."  
  
"Explain that," Changbin hissed.  
  
The brunet turned around fully and pinned him down with unrelenting eyes. "You know this as well as I do, Changbin. You've seen your dad set the table for four years." The statement made Changbin freeze as puzzle pieces dropped into place. "Mom was the same. She was half of a whole. The widow... the one that lost. I don't want that for you."  
  
"I asked you before you found out you were going to die and leave me," Changbin said bluntly, ignoring the way Felix flinched away from the words. "You said it yourself. You didn't know you were going to get cancer. You didn't know we'd be separated, so why?"  
  
Felix looked up at him, unrepentant. "Maybe I didn't want that for me, too."  
  
They glared at each other for what seemed to be a lifetime before Felix wilted in front of him. The younger's shoulders dropped and he looked at Changbin in defeat. "Don't you ever get that feeling?" He said softly, taking a step towards the raven and resting his hands against one of the kitchen chairs. "-that feeling that life is a little too good to be true?"  
  
Changbin's knuckles turned white as his grip on the table tightened.  
  
The brunet’s eyes met his, honest as always. "I didn't realize until the year we graduated at Seoul Academy, but I always knew you were too good to be true. What was that saying again? If it's too good to be true, then it probably is?"  
  
"Stop it."  
  
"All of my best memories are with you, Binnie." Felix continued sincerely, his voice wobbly with tears. He ducked his head down. "The one time you let me take you on a picnic on the beach or when we went to that trip to Australia with your family because I missed Sydney. Even that first time - when I fell down hard chasing after you and you bandaged all of my cuts-"  
  
"Stop," Changbin said firmly.  
  
"-I know we're... we're really good together, you and me. So doesn't it make sense? I'm glad we didn't marry, Changbin. You won't have to look at your ring finger all the time and see me. You won't have to explain to our kids that I'm never coming home. You won't have to-"  
  
In a flash, Changbin had Felix in his arms. "Stop," He said quietly, feeling the frail body shake against him. He could feel his throat closing up as pained, wracking sobs were muffled against his shirt. "You're such a..." He exhaled shakily and pulled Felix close, wanting more than anything to crawl into his body so that they would never have to part. "Stupid boy. You’re an idiot, Felix."

 

 

* * *

 

 

It was a testament to how much he loved Felix, he thought, as he sat by the younger at his hospital bed.  
  
As the days passed, Felix’s arms grew thinner, his cheeks were bonier, and the color from his body was almost nonexistent. He looked like a shadow of the boy Changbin fell in love with, but it seemed he would be Felix until the very end.  
  
Felix did whatever it took to make everything as normal as possible, but he didn't fool Changbin.  
  
When everybody left and he stayed back, the younger said with a voice that was barely above a whisper, "You know I love you, don't you Binnie?"  
  
He grunted.  
  
It had sounded like a secret, but he had known for a long time.  
  
"You love me," Felix said confidently, grinning a soft grin as he turned to look at the raven sitting by his bedside. He giggled quietly, weakly, and opened his eyes to look at Changbin. "Can you make me a promise?"  
  
Changbin sent him a dark look. "If you're going to ask me to promise you to find some other person to love, or some other ridiculous thing like that, I'm going to rip someone's kneecaps out."  
  
Felix laughed at that and beamed up at him. He was so pale. "Everyone knows I have a special place in your heart," He teased half-heartedly, giving Changbin's hand a squeeze. "But no, not some other person. I know how mad you would get if I said something like that. You'd probably cry too."  
  
He gave Felix a warning look that the latter pretended to ignore.  
  
"No, I have a different promise for you." Felix motioned for the raven to help him sit up and when he was, he clasped Changbin's left hand in both of his. "Promise me you'll be happy," He said softly, smiling hopefully. "You have your whole life ahead of you. You've just become an amazing doctor and you're too handsome for your own good. Everybody who meets you falls in love with you. You don't know how many people I've had to smack away with a broom."  
  
"You said you wouldn't do this," Changbin accused, feeling the pressure against his eyes at the younger's words.  
  
"I didn't say to promise me to find yourself a lover," Felix said with a grin.  
  
He reached to the little box he placed beside his pillow and put it in the older's hands. He gave the latter's hand one last squeeze before he leaned back and watched Changbin open it. Inside was a silver chain bracelet with dangling letters that spelled out _‘Never Stop Smiling’_. When he looked up at Felix, Felix smiled and clasped the bracelet around his wrist before holding his hand once more.  
  
The younger was making it hard for him to swallow.  
  
"I just want you to be happy. If… If I don’t make it… don’t cry for me or grieve for me. Because we've had a good run, Changbin. Ten years. I've been told anybody that can deal with my personality should get an award for patience." He laughed lightly at this and pressed his nearly white lips against Changbin's hand. Felix looked up at him and smiled. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, you know. The best friend I could have ever asked for. But don't let me hold you back-"  
  
Changbin moved to protest but the younger shook his head. "Don't let me hold you back, you hear? Not from anything. Don't let me hold you back from becoming the best doctor you can be. Don't let me prevent you from befriending anybody else." He drummed an unvoiced tune on the back of Changbin's hand before tracing a line against his ring finger like he was making a promise. "Don't let me ruin you for any other person. Jisungie and Hyunjin told me I was the first person you've ever loved outside your family and Changbin, trust me, I won't be the last. I'm proud to be the first, but I'd like to think I warmed up your heart to make it easier for the next person - the one that will sweep you off your feet and never give you a moment's rest... the one that will never let you down."  
  
"You never let me down."  
  
"But I… I’m going to die, aren't I?" His voice trembled with regret. "I’m holding out for as long as I can but Changbin... you have to be prepared to let me go."  
  
The statement alarmed Changbin and he sat up straighter in his seat to look at the love of his life closely.  
  
Felix shook his head. "It won't happen today, but I… I want to say everything so that I don't ever regret it." He squeezed Changbin's hand. "I know I always said we would always be together, us against the world. I wanted us to take over the world together, but I suppose you're going to have to do that without me, huh?" Changbin could feel his stomach sinking at the weak smile on the younger's face. "You always said you'd have to do most of the work anyway."  
  
He laughed lightly as he leaned back against his pillows tiredly. "You and me, us against the world. You'll tell them, won't you?"  
  
"Tell who? Tell them what?" Changbin asked softly, leaning down to brush his lips against the other's hand.  
  
"Your kids, silly," Felix's voice held a laugh. "You'll tell them about me, won't you? Tell them about me - your best friend - and tell them about all of the trouble we used to get into. Tell them how much of a hardass you used to be. You would have the most adorable kids."  
  
His comments were all over the place, but Changbin didn't care.  
  
He thought Changbin would be happy without him, thought he could fall for somebody that wasn’t him. Changbin wanted to tell him he was insane, completely naive if he thought that was possible. Felix was the only one, the only one he would ever want. There would be no one else. There couldn't be.  
  
Nobody could make him feel like the younger did.  
  
_What was he going to do without Felix?_  
  
"Promise, Binnie?" Felix said softly, cracking a hazel eye to look at him. "Don't think I didn't notice you not promising."  
  
He remembered his first promise to Felix and how difficult he thought it was to say the two words. It almost made him want to laugh. But looking at his love right now as he waited for him, Changbin closed his eyes and licked his lips. "I can't promise that." At Felix's sound of protest, he squeezed the other’s thin hand. "I promise to try to be happy. Let's leave it at that."  
  
Felix pouted at him, and the raven leaned over to kiss him softly on the lips. "I'll love you forever... you know," He said honestly, feeling a slight heat at the back of his neck and tears press against the back of his eyes. Changbin didn't even have to force out his next words; "Best friends."  
  
The younger smiled like a ghost. "Always, you and me," Felix said softly. "Us against the world.”

 

 

 

**_fin._ **

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> originally wanted it to be jilix (is that their ship name?) but i thought changpil/changlix fit the fic better. like at the tags, the ending is open to interpretation. it may end tragically with Felix succumbing to the cancer and dying or happily with him miraculously recovering and eventually marrying Changbin, or even something in between.


End file.
